(Written in St. Petersburg)
Nothing speaks attraction more than, perhaps, confidence in yourself. Something changed. What was it exactly? I feel different, I feel healed. I know that when a girl believes she’s beautiful, that she’s attractive, that she can say to herself, “I’m worth getting to know,” that it’s true. Maybe because it makes you more attentive to the other person, and not thinking in the back of your mind, I have this need, give me something in return. Even when I wanted to be thinking of the other person, I know I cried inside, help me. I’m listening to you, help me, I’ll try to help you. How can you give out when you hurt so much? You both end up miserable together. I think because I know I have nothing to lose, I know I’m ok when a guy responds and makes conversation, or if he decides not to, that’s ok too. If I was honest with myself, I’d probably want something like that too, just someone who’s happy to be a friend, anyone wants a friend, and that’s always a good start. I can see why I didn't seem attractive when I thought myself unworthy, when I couldn’t look someone in the eye. I noticed American men like confident women, you have to be friendly and outgoing to make friends,and not always expect them to initiate. Culturally, that was an adjustment for me, I've been used to men initiating everything, even friendship and conversation. Russia’s different, girls aren’t friendly to men. That’s fine too, there are subtle ways of being friendly, just making yourself more approachable and nicely responsive.
Nothing speaks attraction more than, perhaps, confidence in yourself. Something changed. What was it exactly? I feel different, I feel healed. I know that when a girl believes she’s beautiful, that she’s attractive, that she can say to herself, “I’m worth getting to know,” that it’s true. Maybe because it makes you more attentive to the other person, and not thinking in the back of your mind, I have this need, give me something in return. Even when I wanted to be thinking of the other person, I know I cried inside, help me. I’m listening to you, help me, I’ll try to help you. How can you give out when you hurt so much? You both end up miserable together. I think because I know I have nothing to lose, I know I’m ok when a guy responds and makes conversation, or if he decides not to, that’s ok too. If I was honest with myself, I’d probably want something like that too, just someone who’s happy to be a friend, anyone wants a friend, and that’s always a good start. I can see why I didn't seem attractive when I thought myself unworthy, when I couldn’t look someone in the eye. I noticed American men like confident women, you have to be friendly and outgoing to make friends,and not always expect them to initiate. Culturally, that was an adjustment for me, I've been used to men initiating everything, even friendship and conversation. Russia’s different, girls aren’t friendly to men. That’s fine too, there are subtle ways of being friendly, just making yourself more approachable and nicely responsive.
