If I could write back to my sixteen-year-old self, this would be for you. If I had a daughter, this would be for you. In the meantime, my young women friends, just a few thoughts I thought I'd share, some of which, I hope, may be useful.
I know you're thinking it. We all want to read about it, find new things about it, find some place where we can relate, some nook where we could integrate and write ourselves into. I've thought a lot about love. Ever since I was fourteen or fifteen, old enough to wear make-up, getting past that pre-teen, early teen stage where we're still not quite sure what we want. We all want to be loved. At a certain point we figure out that we want to be loved by a guy.
Around the time I was sixteen, I thought I was so wise. I learned good principles, from my parents and books I read about waiting. At the time, love meant waiting to be intimate with one, and only one, person. I felt if a guy wasn't willing to wait, he didn't really love me. Since then, yeah, I was in for a few shockers, I learned that people had other views, and those who shared my views made mistakes. The principles I had were right, my sweeping conclusions about people were not. I was an idealist, I thought I could be perfect, and other people too. I thought love could be perfect.What I've learned since then is that it's awkward, it's a learning experience. You don't just love people perfectly and naturally.
I've learned that I, and other people too, are insecure. It's scary to let people in and love you. In theory, they'll love you for your good points. That's what we want and hope. But they have to love you knowing your bad too.
It's funny, I've made a full circle. At this stage, love is waiting in a slightly different sense. Waiting for a man to grow and realize he loves you. Not expecting him to be other than what he is, in some cases, a slow-mover. Accepting that love takes time to grow. Accepting that he doesn't love the same way you do, doesn't feel emotion the same way you do. We all want to be loved, you'd think it was so urgent we'd die without it. It's not true.
My personal panacea to overcoming this anxiety about being loved is trust. For me that means trusting in God and his goodness. We make the mistake of believing that God doesn't love us or want the best for us. I sometimes think He's indifferent. It's funny, when we start remembering, or perhaps realizing for the first time, that God has only good intentions for us, the extent of his love for us, then we'll realize why and where we wanted love in the first place: from our Father. All other places are secondary.
I know you're thinking it. We all want to read about it, find new things about it, find some place where we can relate, some nook where we could integrate and write ourselves into. I've thought a lot about love. Ever since I was fourteen or fifteen, old enough to wear make-up, getting past that pre-teen, early teen stage where we're still not quite sure what we want. We all want to be loved. At a certain point we figure out that we want to be loved by a guy.
Around the time I was sixteen, I thought I was so wise. I learned good principles, from my parents and books I read about waiting. At the time, love meant waiting to be intimate with one, and only one, person. I felt if a guy wasn't willing to wait, he didn't really love me. Since then, yeah, I was in for a few shockers, I learned that people had other views, and those who shared my views made mistakes. The principles I had were right, my sweeping conclusions about people were not. I was an idealist, I thought I could be perfect, and other people too. I thought love could be perfect.What I've learned since then is that it's awkward, it's a learning experience. You don't just love people perfectly and naturally.
I've learned that I, and other people too, are insecure. It's scary to let people in and love you. In theory, they'll love you for your good points. That's what we want and hope. But they have to love you knowing your bad too.
It's funny, I've made a full circle. At this stage, love is waiting in a slightly different sense. Waiting for a man to grow and realize he loves you. Not expecting him to be other than what he is, in some cases, a slow-mover. Accepting that love takes time to grow. Accepting that he doesn't love the same way you do, doesn't feel emotion the same way you do. We all want to be loved, you'd think it was so urgent we'd die without it. It's not true.
My personal panacea to overcoming this anxiety about being loved is trust. For me that means trusting in God and his goodness. We make the mistake of believing that God doesn't love us or want the best for us. I sometimes think He's indifferent. It's funny, when we start remembering, or perhaps realizing for the first time, that God has only good intentions for us, the extent of his love for us, then we'll realize why and where we wanted love in the first place: from our Father. All other places are secondary.
